Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Lonely Days In Between

The months have passed. Not much has changed. More clean up, more cutting of wood, more days.

And I understand my greatest error: not taking into account how terribly lonely my social self would be out here.

Through the summer's hot days and the crisp freshness of fall leaves, I realize that I have changed. After putting my heart and soul into getting us onto a farm, I see now that there is a void in my life it will not fill (at least for a while) . . . the desperate need for interaction with life, with people . . . the desperate interaction for a change of scenery or just a change of place. Normally, having a job satisfies that, but with the ongoing Emma-no second car-no money for a second car- situation, I feel trapped. With me, feeling trapped leads to panic attacks and breakdowns.

These are the hard days when the dream is less a diamond and more a shattered crystal: still beautiful, but less perfect.

So, the focus of this blog changes now. No longer is it just about the farm, our dream, etc. Now it will reflect my search for wholeness in my life -- my search for creativity, inspiration, and travel newness while remaining grounded on the farm. Life is about evolving, and so must blogs.